How is this poem? please suggest and criticize?

I think the poem need more musical devices like rhymes, alliterations, asonances etc. In fact, they are not necessary in poems where thoughts are used, but their help is needed in poems like yours where the feelings of a dying soldier are given. The feelings of the absurdity of soldiers` death are well given, the images are very appropriate to the meaning too, but the unavailability of rhythm makes interruptions as the poem is being read.